iPod killed the Transformers Star.

Ever wondered what happened to Megatron’s ever-loyal-yet-blackmailing-soldier-slash-tapedeck, Soundwave? He didn’t get into the new movie, but apparently he’s been up to something after the 1986 Transformers movie. (Video contains cusswords and innuendos. Stay away, kiddies!)

“Kids don’t even know what cassettes are. Lots of them don’t even buy CDs anymore… They use iPo…” *Click*

Classic.

And just in case you DON’T KNOW what a tape CASSETTE is (there might be quite a few of you out there), it’s magnetic tape spooled around two reels in a plastic case, used to store analog audio and some data stuff long long ago. Like what you use in miniDV cameras and data archiving, expect that they’re prone to tape entanglement that frequently resulted in the user tearing apart the cassette and ripping out the tapes like entrails from an animal carcass.

An audio tape cassette containing the sounds of my life (make your own at Says-It.com!):

You play them on a “tapedeck” like the Sony Walkman below. Yessirree kids, the Walkman has been around since the dinosaurs ruled the planet, and the name didn’t start with the Sony MP3 player or the mobilephone gimmick of Sony and Ericsson.

Get the straightdope on Cassettes here, and on Soundwave here.

The Glaring Omission in the 2007 Transformers Movie

I had a great time watching it, as I previously said. But all the while, I felt that something was missing.

• Giant transforming robots. Check.
• That “transforming” sound. Check.
• Homages to the cartoon series. Check.
• Gratuitous shots of Megan Fox. Check.
• Cool (or cheesy, depending on age group) songs by The Cars (Drive), Marvin Gaye (Sexual Healing) and Player (Baby Come Back). Check.

Or not. Then it occurred to me. There was one 80s song (or two) from some singer named Stan Bush that should’ve been somehow bludgeoned into this summer’s Transformers movie. It needs more cheesiness.

For those who can’t make the connection, Stan Bush’s “You’ve Got The Touch” was a defining moment in the original 1986 Transformers: The Movie.

Probably the best moment in that movie (for someone who was less than ten years old that time):

An even cheesier video, with Stan Bush hisself!

Stan Bush is Good Enough for Dirk Diggler! (awesome Marky Mark scene from Boogie Nights)

You think the bass is taking away from the vocal?

LMAO.

The Transformers Movie

Wow.

 That’s all I could say after watching the live-action Transformers movie. In fact’s that’s all I thought to myself while watching it last night, the second night it’s been in the theaters where I am.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. In spite of the tantalizing teasers and the really wicked transformation sequences in the trailers, as a really big fan of the original series I went into the theater fully prepared to be disappointed (hey, only Optimus Prime looked remotely like anything in the Transformers universe I grew up with).

Primetime!

But. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. 

I don’t even know where to begins, so I’ll just ramble about it:

• Peter Cullen! No one else can do Prime.
• Hugo Weaving makes a decent Megatron. But Frank Welker is missed.
• CGI sequences are nicely done. This is how robot movies should be made.
• Keep your eyes wide open all throughout (prop your eyelids up with toothpicks or tape them up with duct tape) as there are frenetic sequences and you might miss out on stuff. 
• An echo from the original 1986 Transformers: The Movie. One Shall Stand, One Shall Fall.
• They nailed Ironhide’s personality.
• The characters just look absolutely alien. It might take some getting used to, but I did like them when I saw them in action.
• Never realized some of the Transformers used projectile/ammunitioned weapons that blow holes in armor. I guess that’s because they were all children’s TV-friendly LAZORRRR beams that didn’t really hurt anyone until the carnage that was the 1986 Transformers: The Movie.
• Starscream is just bad-ass. We need more Starscream.
• It’s got classic tunes by the The Cars, Marvin Gaye, and Player!

Overall, I had a great time. Some slow parts, as my friend Pimplepopper has already told me, but the ultra-fast pacing of the action sequences more than make up for it.

Hope this becomes a blockbuster in the US and elsewhere and justify a sequel. I need to watch that.

 Stop reading and go watch it now if it’s out in your town. For those in the US, just a few more days!

Probably everyone has seen the trailer, but here it is anyway:

New TF TV Series: Transformers Animated

Looks like Hasbro is returning the Transformers to the TV screens with a new series called Transformers Animated.

In a nutshell, it’s going to be a series of stand-alone episodes set in future Detroit, with character designs by Derrick Wyatt (who did Teen Titans for CN). No indications of any story arc here.

Does remind me of the Mighty Orbots though, for some strange reason:

So will this be popular in Japan the same way some of the American-produced TF series were? I have no idea, unless the Cartoon Network Teen Titans series (similar in look) was exported successfully as well.

The Rude Awakening of Optimus Prime

When I was in gradeschool, every boy in school had Transformers.

Except me.

Meeeeeeeeee.

I was stuck with dinky Gobots, or MachineRobos as they were known in Japan. I had a few Takara toys that Hasbro had used as the basis for some Transformers characters, but they just weren’t the same without those heat-sensitive Autobot/Decepticon stickers. So back then, I really felt like an outcast. I even successfully traded five MachineRobos in immaculate condition for a really beat up Wheeljack figurine (he who transforms into a Lancia Stratos with Alitalia sponsorship), only to have the embarrassment of my life when my mom went to the other guy and demand my MachineRobos back. The mental scars are still there.

Disclaimer: Okay, I know that Transformers were quite expensive then. But I still pined for them. If it makes you any happier, I never got one back in school. Happier now?

Anyhoo, a lot has happened then. My last significant memory of the Transformers has been the animated cartoon movie where my favorite Autobot Optimus Prime died (and I cried), some big planet robot thing with Orson Welles’ voice chomped at Cybertron, and an emo Autobot named Hot Rod became the new Prime (he sucked at being Prime). I never saw anything after that, but looking at Wikipedia apparently a lot of Transforming has been happening since then. The story’s gotten quite long, with offshoots like Beastwars, Armada, and now we have a live-action/CGI movie coming in a few weeks.

Along the way they brought Optimus back to life, and I’m sure he was returned in a prim-and-proper way. I would still prefer it they did it below (be forewarned that this might mutilate your childhood memories):